130,000+ Books, Games & Puzzles in-stock 🇳🇿 

Happy Long Weekend! We're open all 3 days! 📚 Open 7 days, 8:30am–5pm

Do Ask, Do Tell

Queer Life, Love and Culture Laid Bare
Brief Description
What is a black cat lesbian? Is 'aromantic' a sexuality or a preference? How are bisexual and pansexual different? What's it like to be queer and religious? Does Gen Z do darkrooms? How do you navigate life as an OAQ (Old Age Queer)? What does trans... Read More
Format: Paperback / softback
$5300

International Supplier

This title is in-stock with overseas suppliers. While it is not available locally, we fly books in weekly from the US and UK to our Auckland warehouse for immediate dispatch.

AVAILABLE WITH SUPPLIER Ships from our Auckland warehouse within 2-3 weeks

Found a better price? Request a price match

Join writers Lotte Jeffs and Stu Oakley – your intrepid queer explorers – as they seek to answer all the questions you've ever had about LGBTQ+ life.

From sticky dancefloors to pushing prams, from drag to dealing with hate and homophobia and from dressing rooms to churches, schools and old people's homes, this book unboxes the diversity of the queer experience - because there is no right or wrong way to be LGBTQ+.

Book Hero Magic formatted this description to make it easier to read. While it's new and still learning, it may not be perfect - your feedback is welcome! Description

What is a black cat lesbian? Is 'aromantic' a sexuality or a preference? How are bisexual and pansexual different? What's it like to be queer and religious? Does Gen Z do darkrooms? How do you navigate life as an OAQ (Old Age Queer)? What does trans euphoria feel like? Why is nightlife so central to the community? What is camp today?

As queer people themselves, authors Lotte Jeffs and Stu Oakley knew they didn't have all the answers, because their individual experience represents a single pixel of the rainbow. Do Ask, Do Tell is an unapologetically curious journey through the dazzling spectrum of queer life that will give people - queer, straight, cis, and everything in-between - the confidence to say 'I don't know'.

With humour, warmth, and radically open minds, Stu and Lotte tackle the questions you may have avoided asking for fear of getting it wrong. Covering everything from ageing to open relationships, darkrooms to Drag Kings, camp to carabinas, as well as the intricacies of gender and sexuality.

This insightful and provocative exploration challenges assumptions, shatters taboos, and opens up the conversation. Whether you're seeking clarity for your cis straight self or deeper insight as a member of the community, this book is your guide to better understanding and celebrating the richness of queer life.

Bursting with empathy, understanding and humour - Suzi Ruffell, bestselling author of Am I Having Fun Now?

Book Details

INFORMATION

ISBN: 9781035042098

Publisher: Pan Macmillan

Format: Paperback / softback

Date Published: 21 May 2026

Country: United Kingdom

Imprint: Bluebird

Audience: General / adult

DIMENSIONS

Spine width: 16.0mm

Width: 129.0mm

Height: 197.0mm

Weight: 190g

Pages: 272

About the Author

Lotte Jeffs and Stu Oakley are the authors of The Queer Parent and hosts of the award-winning Some Families, the UK's leading LGBTQ+ parenting podcast. Lotte is a leading journalist and author of acclaimed novel This Love and children's book My Magic Family. Stu Oakley is a film publicist and occasional freelance journalist, having written for The Guardian, Grazia, ELLE and Attitude. In his day job he has worked on some of the biggest film franchises of all time including Star Wars, Harry Potter and Jurassic World.

Also by Lotte Jeffs

View all
  • The Queer Parent
    'A must read for any queer person who is, or wants to be, a parent.' - Will Young This informative, funny and empowering book from the hosts of the award-winning podcast Some Families is the must-have parenting toolkit for the LGBTQ+ community, their friends, family and allies. LGBTQ+ people have more options than ever before when it comes to starting...
    Hardback
    $4999
    Available
    Ships in 4-6 weeks
  • This Love
    One Day for a new generation Grazia A beautifully written, generous-hearted, clever, tender, fresh and unputdownable novel about queerness, family and forgiveness. I loved This Love. — Elizabeth Day Find yourself in this sweeping tale of queer friendship and chosen families that will keep you laughing, crying, and endlessly turning the page. When Mae and Ari meet in their final...
    Paperback
    Sold Out
  • How to be a Gentlewoman
    This is brilliant and timely - Elizabeth Day How to be a Gentlewoman is pitched as somewhere between the bestselling non-fiction Everything I Know About Love by Dolly Alderton, and Nora Ephron for the Trump-aghast world. It will present an antidote to the often brutal and aggressive conditions of modern life by asking the reader to embrace a way of...
    Hardback
    Sold Out

Also by Stu Oakley

View all
  • The Queer Parent
    'A must read for any queer person who is, or wants to be, a parent.' - Will Young This informative, funny and empowering book from the hosts of the award-winning podcast Some Families is the must-have parenting toolkit for the LGBTQ+ community, their friends, family and allies. LGBTQ+ people have more options than ever before when it comes to starting...
    Hardback
    $4999
    Available
    Ships in 4-6 weeks

More from Philosophy & Psychology

View all
  • Atomic Habits
    Atomic Habits by James Clear is a transformative guide that demonstrates how tiny, incremental changes in behaviour can fundamentally reshape your life. Rather than urging sweeping transformations, Clear advocates for the compound effect of hundreds of small decisions. Whether it’s performing two push-ups a day, waking up five minutes earlier, or making a brief, focused phone call, these minuscule adjustments,...
    Paperback
    $3199
    Elsewhere:
    $4000
    In Stock
    Ships Tuesday
  • How Lucky Am I
    New Release
    How Lucky Am I
    The first full book featuring social media sensation Mr. Skelly, with over 5 million global followers, a skeleton who teaches us that life is a gift to be treasured, reminding us how lucky we all are to live in this present moment. For readers of The Book of Gifts and The Little Frog’s Guide to Self Care. In this poignant,...
    Hardback
    $4299
    Elsewhere:
    $5500
    In Stock
    Ships Tuesday
  • On Sale
    12% off
    Lessons on Living
    Bestselling author Nigel Latta's simple psychological toolkit for life's ups and downs. Over thirty years working as a clinical psychologist, Nigel Latta assembled a personal toolkit based on three simple principles. These principles helped him to be more resilient, joyful, and attuned to what matters most. The same principles have helped him through some difficult times as well, such as...
    Paperback
    $2900
    Elsewhere:
    $3999
    (3)
    In Stock
    Ships Tuesday
  • The Winner's Formula
    The Neuroscience of Peak Performance, Success, and Happiness Why do some people win all the time? Why do others languish? From Olympians to Formula 1 drivers, addicts to billionaires, cognitive neuroscientist Dr Kerry Spackman has spent decades working to help people understand how to succeed. In The Winner's Formula, Kerry explains what goes on in your brain when you are...
    Paperback
    $3199
    Elsewhere:
    $3999
    In Stock
    Ships Tuesday
  • The Creative Act
    Many famed music producers are known for a particular sound that has its day and then ages out. Rick Rubin is known for something else: creating a space where artists of all different genres and traditions can home in on who they really are and what they really offer. He has made a practice of helping people transcend their self-imposed...
    Hardback
    $4400
    Elsewhere:
    $5500
    (1)
    In Stock
    Ships Tuesday
  • The Boy, The Mole, The Fox and The Horse
    The Boy, the Mole, the Fox and the Horse by Charlie Mackesy is a profound exploration of life’s universal lessons, delicately illustrated and rich with narrative depth. This heartfelt story introduces readers to four unlikely friends: a curious boy, a tiny yet thoughtful mole, a wary fox, and a wise horse. Together, they find themselves traversing challenging and sometimes treacherous...
    Hardback
    $4000
    Elsewhere:
    $4500
    (3)
    In Stock
    Ships Tuesday
  • On Sale
    23% off
    1984 Nineteen Eighty-Four
    In the drab and oppressive world of 1984 Nineteen Eighty-Four, George Orwell introduces us to Winston Smith, a man haunted by the omnipresent surveillance and control exercised by the Party and its enigmatic leader, Big Brother. Winston works diligently at the Ministry of Truth, where his job is to alter historical records to fit the ever-changing narrative dictated by the...
    Paperback
    $1000
    Usually:
    $1299
    In Stock
    Ships Tuesday
  • Strangers
    The must-read memoir of the end of a marriage and the start of a personal revolution, based on the iconic Modern Love essay in the New York Times and perfect for fans of Glennon Doyle. "A beautifully written eulogy for the loss of a relationship" — Joyce Carol Oates How do we go on when a loved one betrays us?...
    Paperback
    $3299
    Elsewhere:
    $4000
    (2)
    In Stock
    Ships Tuesday
  • On Sale
    21% off
    Aroha
    Aroha by Dr Hinemoa Elder is an enlightening exploration of timeless Maori wisdom, intricately woven into a contemporary context. This top-selling non-fiction title from New Zealand in 2021 introduces readers to 52 traditional Maori proverbs, known as whakataukī, each offering a profound lesson for every week of the year. Dr Elder, a respected Maori psychiatrist, delves into these powerful sayings...
    Hardback
    $1900
    Elsewhere:
    $3000
    (1)
    In Stock
    Ships Tuesday
  • Eat Your Ice Cream
    The New York Times bestseller that presents a bold new vision for living well and ageing with purpose from a world-renowned health expert THE INSTANT NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER From a leading doctor and world-renowned health expert, the simple, uplifting and practical guide to cutting through the wellness noise, living well and ageing with purpose. ‘Essential reading for anyone who...
    Paperback
    $3199
    Elsewhere:
    $4000
    (2)
    In Stock
    Ships Tuesday
  • Godel, Escher, Bach
    Godel, Escher, Bach, by Douglas R. Hofstadter, is a Pulitzer Prize-winning masterpiece that delves into the complex interplay between the works and ideas of three brilliant minds: mathematician Kurt Gödel, artist M. C. Escher, and composer Johann Sebastian Bach. This interdisciplinary treatise embarks on a journey through a labyrinth of mathematical theorems, artful prints, and intricate compositions, weaving them together...
    Paperback
    $4200
    Elsewhere:
    $4999
    In Stock
    Ships Tuesday
  • The DOSE Effect
    The DOSE Effect offers small habits to boost your brain chemistry. "This book will help you find more motivation, create deeper connections, energise your body, and destress your mind," says Jay Shetty, author of Think Like a Monk. Life can feel overwhelming, but it doesn’t have to be. Today’s fast-paced world leaves many of us struggling with extreme emotional highs...
    Paperback
    $3199
    Elsewhere:
    $3999
    (2)
    In Stock
    Ships Tuesday

Why buy from us?

Book Hero is not a chain store or big box retailer. We're an independent 100% NZ-owned business on a mission to help more Kiwis rediscover a love of books and reading!

Service & Delivery

Service & Delivery

Our warehouse in Auckland holds over 100,000 books, toys, board games and puzzles in-stock so you're not waiting for your order to arrive from overseas.

Auckland Bookstore

Auckland Bookstore

We're primarily an online store, but for your convenience you can pick up your order for free from our bookstore, which is right next door to our warehouse in Hobsonville.

Our Gifting Service

Our Gifting Service

Books make wonderful thoughtful gifts and we're here to help with gift-wrapping and cards. We can even send your gift directly to your loved one.