Born Into Loss

Subsequent siblings, sometimes referred to as replacement children, are people born after the death of a brother or sister. Little has been written about them or from their perspective. This non-fiction, self-help, psychology book breaks new ground by assembling rich and heartfelt life stories from a diverse group of subsequent siblings while also weaving in clinical literature and discussion.

Born Into Loss is based upon more than one hundred subsequent sibling interviews, which, to the authors’ knowledge, currently comprises the largest and most diverse sample of this group. Through the subjects’ engaging narratives, the reader can understand some of the common obstacles and repercussions of the subsequent sibling role. Additional testimonies from parents and surviving siblings illuminate the multilayered impacts of loss upon a family system.

Those born after a deceased sibling enter a family that has been forever changed by loss. This book provides a brief overview of the research on subsequent children and the concept of the replacement child. It examines the parental experience of the death of a child, the complexity of pregnancy after loss, and the intrauterine and attachment experiences of children born after loss. The death of a child causes immense parental pain and affects parenting approaches, perhaps resulting in impaired bonding or overprotectiveness of subsequent children.

Some subsequent siblings are expected, consciously or unconsciously, to serve as a replacement for their lost sibling and to fill the void of loss. A variety of replacement dynamics can occur, and in some instances, the subsequent child is viewed as an inadequate substitute for a deceased and idealized sibling. This book explores common issues faced by subsequent siblings, including impaired bonding with parents, a sense of pressure to heal their families, survivor guilt, phobias, difficulties with identity formation, and the shouldering of caretaker roles.

Their loss and experiences are often unrecognized because they were born after their sibling's death. Like most mourners, many subsequent siblings need to make meaning of their loss. It is often complex for them to grieve for an unmet sibling or to integrate their sibling's death into their life story. Many subsequent siblings also recognize strengths they have gained because of their role.

This book includes chapters about surviving siblings and children who were born after a sibling with special needs.