Because I'm Not Myself, You See

Because I'm Not Myself, You See by Ariane Beeston is a heartfelt, darkly humorous, and ultimately hopeful memoir that delves deeply into the complexities of postpartum psychosis and the arduous journey towards recovery. With unparalleled candour and wit, Beeston brings a fresh perspective to one of the most daunting periods of her life and provides a poignant commentary on the pressures faced by new mothers.

The narrative begins with Ariane Beeston, a dedicated child protection worker and newly registered psychologist, who is eagerly anticipating the birth of her first child. However, her joy quickly turns into a nightmarish struggle as she starts experiencing terrifying breaks with reality. Initially keeping her delusions and hallucinations a secret out of fear and shame, Ariane’s condition deteriorates alarmingly over the ensuing months. Ultimately, she is admitted to a mother and baby psychiatric unit where, as a psychologist turned patient, she embarks on the difficult process of rebuilding her shattered psyche.

Through a combination of medication, the unwavering support of her husband, intensive psychotherapy, and the passage of time, Ariane begins to piece her life back together. In the process, she finds herself on an unexpected new path working in perinatal mental health, determined to create resources that support other new mothers grappling with similar challenges.

Because I'm Not Myself, You See is more than just a personal account of mental illness; it is an insightful exploration interwoven with research and expert commentary that portrays the harsh realities and pressures of new motherhood. Beeston's memoir is replete with wit and resilience, serving as a testament to the strength it takes to confront and overcome serious illness. It delves into the disorder and confusion of postpartum psychosis, yet finds humour, beauty, and joy amidst the chaos.

'Blistering, beautiful, true' - Susan Johnson, author of A Better Woman, From Where I Fell and Aphrodite's Breath

'Ariane Beeston's honesty, poetry and wisdom will save lives.' - Anna Spargo-Ryan, author of A Kind of Magic

'Both riveting and informative, this is an unflinching look at what it is like from inside postpartum psychosis.' - Anne Buist, Professor of Women's Mental Health, University of Melbourne, and co-author with Graeme Simsion of The Glass House

'A memoir like no other ... sings with mordant humour on the page' - Geordie Williamson

'A beautifully written, raw and important memoir for anyone who has had a baby' - Daisy Turnbull

'This book ... stands on the cliff and dives off with one brave breath. Ariane Beeston gives voice to what many women experience at varying levels and in doing so will make others feel less alone.' - Megan Rogers, author of The Heart Is a Star