120,000+ Books, Games & Puzzles in-stock πŸ‡³πŸ‡Ώ

πŸŽ‰ Our new Hobsonville bookstore opens tomorrow! Order now and it ships tomorrow πŸš€

Don't

How using the right words will change your life
Brief Description
The words we use every day are quietly working against us, and we don't even know it. Every "don't," every "you always," every "I will" is programming our brains in ways that sabotage our relationships, our habits, and our future. Grounded in neuroscience, behavioural economics, and... Read More
Format: Paperback / softback
$5300

International Supplier

This title is in-stock with overseas suppliers. While it is not available locally, we fly books in weekly from the US and UK to our Auckland warehouse for immediate dispatch.

AVAILABLE WITH SUPPLIER Ships from our Auckland warehouse within 2-3 weeks

Found a better price? Request a price match

Described as "ground-breaking" in developing positive conversations, relationships and personalities. Finalist Next Generation NDIE Book Awards. You too can "Unlock the 'Do' in 'Don't'".

Book Hero Magic formatted this description to make it easier to read. While it's new and still learning, it may not be perfect - your feedback is welcome! Description

The words we use every day are quietly working against us, and we don't even know it. Every "don't," every "you always," every "I will" is programming our brains in ways that sabotage our relationships, our habits, and our future.

Grounded in neuroscience, behavioural economics, and the psychology of emotions, this practical guide reveals how small word shifts create immediate, powerful change.

Struggling with difficult conversations? Discover how positive parenting scripts, clean language techniques, and better self-talk dissolve conflict before it starts.

Whether you're navigating couples repair, managing workplace feedback, or trying to change negative thinking, the tools here are concrete and proven. From coaching questions that unlock deeper understanding to the science of why "I am saving" beats "I will save", every chapter builds your emotional intelligence habits and transforms how you connect with the people who matter most.

Stop walking away from conversations wishing you'd said it differently. Get your copy today and make the simple word changes that will change your life.

Book Details

INFORMATION

ISBN: 9780645495676

Publisher: Bob Selden

Format: Paperback / softback

Date Published: 16 July 2026

Country: New Zealand

Imprint: Bob Selden

Edition: 4th ed.

Audience: General / adult

DIMENSIONS

Spine width: 15.0mm

Width: 140.0mm

Height: 216.0mm

Weight: 322g

Pages: 278

About the Author

Bob Selden is an Australian expatriate and now permanent resident of New Zealand's North Island. He is the author of three previous books, including the practical management title, What To Do When You Become The Boss: How New Managers Become Successful Managers, which has sold more than 75,000 copies and been published in four languages: English, Polish, Chinese, and Portuguese.An earlier edition of Don't: How Using the Right Words Will Change Your Life was a finalist in the non-fiction category of the prestigious INDIE Book Awards.In addition to his writing, Bob has worked as a banker, consultant, trainer, part-time sports psychologist, and mentor to aspiring managers, leaders, and start-up businesses. He has held roles at two leading business schools: the Institute for Management Development (IMD) in Lausanne, Switzerland, and the Australian Graduate School of Management (AGSM) in Sydney, Australia. He has also consulted with a wide range of organisations across four continents.Bob holds qualifications in Management, Psychology, and Organisational Development.Today, Bob spends less time travelling and more time writing. He lives with his wife, Anita, on a five-acre property in New Zealand's ManawatΕ« region, along with their working dog, Max. A keen cyclist, he also serves as a board member of the local cycling organisation, the Greasy Chain Charitable Trust.More information about Bob's work is available at his website, www.bobselden.com.

Also by Bob Selden

View all
  • What to Do When You Become the Boss
    Most new managers receive very little initial training about how to manage. Generally, new managers are promoted or selected for the role because of their excellent technical or professional expertise. It is assumed, therefore, that they will also be expert at people management. What to Do When You Become the Boss fills the 'people management' learning gap for new managers....
    Paperback
    Sold Out

More from Self-Help & Personal Development

View all
  • New Release
    Protocols
    Simple, powerful and evidence-based solutions to life's most common challenges - the first book from renowned Stanford professor Dr Andrew Huberman. Dr Andrew Huberman, host of the world's leading health podcast, Huberman Lab, and neuroscientist and tenured professor at Stanford School of Medicine, introduces Protocols, an essential guide to improving brain function, enhancing mood and energy, optimising bodily health and...
    Paperback
    $3199
    Elsewhere:
    $4000
    In Stock
    Ships tomorrow
  • The Let Them Theory
    New York Times Bestselling Author. Millions of books sold worldwide! A Life-Changing Tool Millions of People Can't Stop Talking About What if the key to happiness, success, and love was as simple as two words? If you've ever felt stuck, overwhelmed, or frustrated with where you are, the problem isn't you. The problem is the power you give to other...
    Paperback
    $2599
    Elsewhere:
    $3200
    (9)
    In Stock
    Ships tomorrow
  • Signed Copy
    New Release
    "What Were You Thinking!?"
    Everything parents need to know about their baby, child or teen's developing brain to raise resilient, emotional intelligent kids, by globally renowned neuroscience educator Nathan Wallis. 'What were you thinking!?'If you've ever asked this in despair while watching a toddler melt down, a tween push boundaries or a teenager make a truly terrible decision, this book is for you.InΒ "What Were...
    Paperback
    $3299
    Elsewhere:
    $3999
    (1)
    In Stock
    Ships tomorrow
  • The Winner's Formula
    The Neuroscience of Peak Performance, Success, and Happiness Why do some people win all the time? Why do others languish? From Olympians to Formula 1 drivers, addicts to billionaires, cognitive neuroscientist Dr Kerry Spackman has spent decades working to help people understand how to succeed. In The Winner's Formula, Kerry explains what goes on in your brain when you are...
    Paperback
    $3199
    Elsewhere:
    $3999
    In Stock
    Ships tomorrow
  • Eat Your Ice Cream
    On Sale
    12% off
    Eat Your Ice Cream
    The New York Times bestseller that presents a bold new vision for living well and ageing with purpose from a world-renowned health expert THE INSTANT NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER From a leading doctor and world-renowned health expert, the simple, uplifting and practical guide to cutting through the wellness noise, living well and ageing with purpose. β€˜Essential reading for anyone who...
    Paperback
    $2800
    Elsewhere:
    $4000
    (2)
    In Stock
    Ships tomorrow
  • Choose Your Hard
    Every path in life is hard. Being unfit and unhealthy is hard. Choosing to exercise, eat well, face discomfort, and do the difficult things is also hard. The question is: which hard do you choose? In Choose Your Hard, Professor Grant Schofield, one of New Zealand’s most cited health scientists with over 18,000 citations in the scientific literature, argues that...
    Paperback
    $3300
    Elsewhere:
    $3500
    In Stock
    Ships tomorrow
  • The Atomic Habits Daily Calendar
    New Release
    The Atomic Habits Daily Calendar
    Powerful ideas for each day of the year from the author of the #1 worldwide bestseller, Atomic Habits. Based on the principles that made Atomic Habits a global phenomenon, this daily calendar turns habit formation into a simple daily practice. Get actionable guidance, motivational insights, and system-building tools that make it easier to get a little bit betterβ€”every day of...
    Calendar
    $3699
    Elsewhere:
    $3999
    In Stock
    Ships tomorrow
  • The DOSE Effect
    The DOSE Effect offers small habits to boost your brain chemistry. "This book will help you find more motivation, create deeper connections, energise your body, and destress your mind," says Jay Shetty, author of Think Like a Monk. Life can feel overwhelming, but it doesn’t have to be. Today’s fast-paced world leaves many of us struggling with extreme emotional highs...
    Paperback
    $3199
    Elsewhere:
    $3999
    (2)
    In Stock
    Ships tomorrow
  • New Release
    Now What?
    There are countless self-help books telling you how to get the life you wantβ€”how to find your purpose, make your plan, follow your goals. Yet, too many of us are frozen in life, unfulfilled and stuck with what we have. Too often, we only see our future through a lens of the pastβ€”our past beliefs, experiences, and circumstances. We desire...
    Paperback
    $3299
    Elsewhere:
    $3999
    In Stock
    Ships tomorrow
  • We Can Do Hard Things
    We Can Do Hard Things is a powerful and inspiring guide co-authored by renowned voices Abby Wambach, Glennon Doyle, and Amanda Doyle. This compelling book offers insights and encouragement to help readers tackle life's toughest challenges. By combining personal stories with practical advice, the authors empower you to embrace resilience and courage. Their collective wisdom sheds light on the strength...
    Paperback
    $3200
    Elsewhere:
    $4000
    In Stock
    Ships tomorrow
  • The Myth of Normal
    A book that changes everything - from the legendary Dr Gabor MatΓ© THE INSTANT SUNDAY TIMES BESTSELLER OVER ONE MILLION COPIES SOLD We tend to believe that normality equals health. Yet what is the norm in the Western world? Mental illness and chronic disease are on an unstoppable rise. How did we get here? And what lies ahead for us?...
    Paperback
    $2400
    Elsewhere:
    $3000
    In Stock
    Ships tomorrow
  • The Anxious Generation
    A powerful argument for reclaiming childhoodβ€”and all human relationshipsβ€”from the online world, from the influential social psychologist and international bestselling author. Jonathan Haidt has spent his career speaking truth and wisdom in some of the most difficult spacesβ€”communities polarised by politics and religion, campuses battling culture wars, and now the mental health emergency hitting teenagers today in many countries around...
    Paperback
    $2299
    Elsewhere:
    $3000
    In Stock
    Ships tomorrow

Why buy from us?

Book Hero is not a chain store or big box retailer. We're an independent 100% NZ-owned business on a mission to help more Kiwis rediscover a love of books and reading!

Service & Delivery

Service & Delivery

Our warehouse in Auckland holds over 100,000 books, toys, board games and puzzles in-stock so you're not waiting for your order to arrive from overseas.

Auckland Bookstore

Auckland Bookstore

We're primarily an online store, but for your convenience you can pick up your order for free from our bookstore, which is right next door to our warehouse in Hobsonville.

Our Gifting Service

Our Gifting Service

Books make wonderful thoughtful gifts and we're here to help with gift-wrapping and cards. We can even send your gift directly to your loved one.