Pre-order
1
of
1
Do Ask, Do Tell
Queer Life, Love and Culture Laid Bare
Brief Description
What is a black cat lesbian? Is 'aromantic' a sexuality or a preference? How are bisexual and pansexual different? What's it like to be queer and religious? Does Gen Z do darkrooms? How do you navigate life as an OAQ (Old Age Queer)? What does trans...
Read More
Format: Paperback / softback
$2800
Unit price
/
Unavailable
Pre-order
Releases
1st
September 2026
(Approx. Date)
Pre-order "Do Ask, Do Tell" now to secure your copy from our first shipment
Found a better price? Request a price match
Do Ask, Do Tell
$2800
Unit price
/
Unavailable
Join writers Lotte Jeffs and Stu Oakley – your intrepid queer explorers – as they seek to answer all the questions you've ever had about LGBTQ+ life.
From sticky dancefloors to pushing prams, from drag to dealing with hate and homophobia and from dressing rooms to churches, schools and old people's homes, this book unboxes the diversity of the queer experience - because there is no right or wrong way to be LGBTQ+.
Book Hero Magic formatted this description to make it easier to read. While it's new and
still learning, it may not be perfect - your
feedback is welcome!
Description
What is a black cat lesbian? Is 'aromantic' a sexuality or a preference? How are bisexual and pansexual different? What's it like to be queer and religious? Does Gen Z do darkrooms? How do you navigate life as an OAQ (Old Age Queer)? What does trans euphoria feel like? Why is nightlife so central to the community? What is camp today?
As queer people themselves, authors Lotte Jeffs and Stu Oakley knew they didn't have all the answers, because their individual experience represents a single pixel of the rainbow. Do Ask, Do Tell is an unapologetically curious journey through the dazzling spectrum of queer life that will give people - queer, straight, cis, and everything in-between - the confidence to say 'I don't know'.
With humour, warmth, and radically open minds, Stu and Lotte tackle the questions you may have avoided asking for fear of getting it wrong. Covering everything from ageing to open relationships, darkrooms to Drag Kings, camp to carabinas, as well as the intricacies of gender and sexuality.
This insightful and provocative exploration challenges assumptions, shatters taboos, and opens up the conversation. Whether you're seeking clarity for your cis straight self or deeper insight as a member of the community, this book is your guide to better understanding and celebrating the richness of queer life.
Bursting with empathy, understanding and humour - Suzi Ruffell, bestselling author of Am I Having Fun Now?
Book Details
INFORMATION
ISBN: 9781035042098
Publisher: Pan Macmillan
Format: Paperback / softback
Date Published: 21 May 2026
Country: United Kingdom
Imprint: Bluebird
Audience: General / adult
DIMENSIONS
Spine width: 16.0mm
Width: 129.0mm
Height: 197.0mm
Weight: 190g
Pages: 272
About the Author
Lotte Jeffs and Stu Oakley are the authors of The Queer Parent and hosts of the award-winning Some Families, the UK's leading LGBTQ+ parenting podcast. Lotte is a leading journalist and author of acclaimed novel This Love and children's book My Magic Family. Stu Oakley is a film publicist and occasional freelance journalist, having written for The Guardian, Grazia, ELLE and Attitude. In his day job he has worked on some of the biggest film franchises of all time including Star Wars, Harry Potter and Jurassic World.
Also by Lotte Jeffs
View all-
This Love
One Day for a new generation Grazia A beautifully written, generous-hearted, clever, tender, fresh and unputdownable novel about queerness, family and forgiveness. I loved This Love. — Elizabeth Day Find yourself in this sweeping tale of queer friendship and chosen families that will keep you laughing, crying, and endlessly turning the page. When Mae and Ari meet in their final...PaperbackSold Out -
How to be a Gentlewoman
This is brilliant and timely - Elizabeth Day How to be a Gentlewoman is pitched as somewhere between the bestselling non-fiction Everything I Know About Love by Dolly Alderton, and Nora Ephron for the Trump-aghast world. It will present an antidote to the often brutal and aggressive conditions of modern life by asking the reader to embrace a way of...HardbackSold Out
More from Philosophy & Psychology
View all-
New ReleaseEat Your Ice Cream
The New York Times bestseller that presents a bold new vision for living well and ageing with purpose from a world-renowned health expert THE INSTANT NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER From a leading doctor and world-renowned health expert, the simple, uplifting and practical guide to cutting through the wellness noise, living well and ageing with purpose. ‘Essential reading for anyone who...Paperback$3199Elsewhere:$4000Unit price /UnavailableIn StockShips tomorrow -
New ReleaseThe Winner's Formula
The Neuroscience of Peak Performance, Success, and Happiness Why do some people win all the time? Why do others languish? From Olympians to Formula 1 drivers, addicts to billionaires, cognitive neuroscientist Dr Kerry Spackman has spent decades working to help people understand how to succeed. In The Winner's Formula, Kerry explains what goes on in your brain when you are...Paperback$3199Elsewhere:$3999Unit price /UnavailableIn StockShips tomorrow -
Atomic Habits
Atomic Habits by James Clear is a transformative guide that demonstrates how tiny, incremental changes in behaviour can fundamentally reshape your life. Rather than urging sweeping transformations, Clear advocates for the compound effect of hundreds of small decisions. Whether it’s performing two push-ups a day, waking up five minutes earlier, or making a brief, focused phone call, these minuscule adjustments,...Paperback$3199Elsewhere:$4000Unit price /UnavailableIn StockShips tomorrow -
Man's Search For Meaning
Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor E. Frankl is a profound, thought-provoking memoir and psychological exploration that delves into the harrowing experiences of life in Nazi concentration camps, intertwined with the author’s groundbreaking theories on existential psychology. The book is a testament to the resilience of the human spirit, offering a beacon of hope and a roadmap for finding purpose...Paperback$1800Elsewhere:$2100Unit price /UnavailableIn StockShips tomorrow -
New ReleaseInside the Box
How to do more with less and use limits to stimulate creativity, innovation and collaboration, from the Sunday Times bestselling author of Range. We live in a world that gives us seemingly infinite choices and values freedom above all else. We have an unprecedented number of options regarding what to do, who to be and how to spend our time....Paperback$3000Elsewhere:$3900Unit price /UnavailableIn StockShips tomorrow -
The Body Keeps the Score
The Body Keeps the Score by Dr Bessel van der Kolk is a compelling and compassionate exploration of the deep-seated impact of trauma on the human body and mind. This groundbreaking work delves into the complex causes of trauma and paints a vivid picture of the revolutionary treatments that are enabling countless individuals to reclaim their lives filled with purpose...Paperback$2400Elsewhere:$3000Unit price /UnavailableIn StockShips tomorrow -
New Release
Tell Me Where It Hurts
Leading expert Rachel Zoffness bridges the gap between medicine and psychology to get to the heart of treating pain We can move the dial on pain Every one of us will experience pain, be it back pain, the pain of childbirth, or living in an ageing body. Not a single one of us will escape. But what if everything you...Hardback$6500Unit price /UnavailableIn StockShips tomorrow -
The Book of Awakening
A new edition of the #1 NYT's bestseller by Mark Nepo, who has been called "one of the finest spiritual guides of our time" and "a consummate storyteller." Immerse yourself in The Book of Awakening, a compelling spiritual daybook by philosopher-poet and cancer survivor, Mark Nepo. This remarkable work is a profound manual for living a more deeply connected and...Paperback$3999Elsewhere:$4499Unit price /UnavailableIn StockShips tomorrow -
Strangers
The must-read memoir of the end of a marriage and the start of a personal revolution, based on the iconic Modern Love essay in the New York Times and perfect for fans of Glennon Doyle. "A beautifully written eulogy for the loss of a relationship" — Joyce Carol Oates How do we go on when a loved one betrays us?...Paperback$3299Elsewhere:$4000Unit price /UnavailableIn StockShips tomorrow -
Strong Ground
#1 New York Times bestselling author Brené Brown returns with an urgent call to reimagine the essentials of courageous leadership. In a time when uncertainty runs deep and bluster, hubris and even cruelty are increasingly framed as acceptable leadership, Brown delivers practical, actionable insights that illuminate the mindsets and skill sets essential to reclaiming focus and driving growth through connection, discipline and...Hardback$4000Elsewhere:$5500Unit price /UnavailableIn StockShips tomorrow -
The Anxious Generation
A powerful argument for reclaiming childhood—and all human relationships—from the online world, from the influential social psychologist and international bestselling author. Jonathan Haidt has spent his career speaking truth and wisdom in some of the most difficult spaces—communities polarised by politics and religion, campuses battling culture wars, and now the mental health emergency hitting teenagers today in many countries around...Paperback$2299Elsewhere:$3000Unit price /UnavailableIn StockShips tomorrow -
The Stimulated Mind
A practical, empowering plan to boost your day-to-day brain function and prevent dementia - by a renowned neuroscientist and performance coach. 'From day one I was always blown away by Dr Tommy Wood's command of the science from which he communicates.' - Dr Peter Attia, bestselling author of Outlive- The Science and Art of Longevity 'As global health declines, Dr...Paperback$3800Elsewhere:$4500Unit price /UnavailableIn StockShips tomorrow
Why buy from us?
Book Hero is not a chain store or big box retailer. We're an independent 100% NZ-owned business on a mission to help more Kiwis rediscover a love of books and reading!
Service & Delivery
Our warehouse in Auckland holds over 100,000 books, toys, board games and puzzles in-stock so you're not waiting for your order to arrive from overseas.
Auckland Bookstore
We're primarily an online store, but for your convenience you can pick up your order for free from our bookstore, which is right next door to our warehouse in Hobsonville.
Our Gifting Service
Books make wonderful thoughtful gifts and we're here to help with gift-wrapping and cards. We can even send your gift directly to your loved one.
