Standing on their Own Feet

Young children are cute and delightful or are having temper tantrums. Primary school children are eager and enthusiastic; gaining mastery of their world; defiant and difficult at times, but still mainly wanting to please, responding to suggestions and requirements. Then comes adolescence and the rules of engagement change. Young adolescents aged ten to fourteen years are still legally children: parents or carers are responsible for them and their behaviour. However, these young people begin to see themselves as separate independent individuals. Friendships become more intense and the peer group becomes increasingly significant. External issues can be vital: clothes, hairstyle, make-up, activities, behaviour in school or outside all come to signify to which group the young person belongs. Home and the family become less and less important...

Early adolescence is a time of change, challenge, and fun. Young people are rather like preschool children and want independence, but at the same time need support and firm parenting. Management of these conflicting needs is a developmental process for the young person and their parents. Standing on their Own Feet starts with developmental issues and describes how the young person must move forward, not only physically but emotionally, in social skills and relationships, and also intellectually and with a moral sense.

Problems that can occur are considered: psychosocial problems when young people struggle in their environment and with relationships, and then mental health problems. These latter can be frightening for the young person and it is important to recognise 'adolescent turmoil' where the mood and state of mind is distressing but fluctuates over time and is not fixed, along with the more long-term difficulties which probably need outside help.

The importance of parents is emphasised, for parents to manage the difficulties and hostility and yet to continue to be there when the young person needs help or is in trouble. Young people tend to open up and want to talk just at times when parents are weary and ready for bed. This is acknowledged but parents are encouraged to do their best to be available.

Writing Standing on their Own Feet after many years of work with families when they had broken down was an interesting and different experience. Hopefully, despite the perspective being from the very troubled end, the book will provide useful thoughts about how to recognise, and when possible prevent, problems, and to alert parents to what they can manage themselves, and when other help needs to be sought.

- Judith Trowell